LOOKING FOR THE NEW?
Pre-show chat was here.
7:50 Online and firing. Welcome British friends unable to watch live thanks to Sky’s greed.
7:53 Watching E!’s preshow… O that Starr Jones would literally as well as figuratively wear thin.
7:58 Coming to you live from New York City. I’m one of ten at a friend’s uptown apartment. Lots of film fans. I’ll let you know the room’s reactions if they seem relevant.
8:00 The official red carpet show begins. Please, no more.
8:01 Hey, remember when Chris Connolly was on MTV? How far the mighty have fallen.
8:02 The room approves of Swank’s dress. Annette Bening approves of Warren’s bowtie.
8:03 Foxx’s shades are completely opaque. It’s a sign of respect to Ray.
8:07 The ladies in the room are being merciless to Renee Zellwegger. The only comment I can reprint: “She looks like her botox sucked a lemon.”
8:08 Laura Linney. If I say it once tonight, I’ll say it again and again: she is not Holly Hunter.
8:16 Clips from the movies for the 95% of America who hasn’t seen any of them.
8:19 Scarlett – dial hair 911!!!
8:23 Don’t alert the Feds, but I just put $5 in the Oscar pool here. You’ll hear my gutcheck choices for winners right before. If I’m consistently right, I could win a whopping $25. If that happens, well, I promise I won’t quit my blog.
8:27 “This year’s theme: The Gates.”
8:30 Montage of all the great movies that weren’t made this year.
8:32 Liveblogging lesson number
one two: never do it in a room with nine, annoying, half-drunk people. (Liveblog lesson number one: make sure you know the network password for the place you want to blog. I had to borrow and it’s tough to type on a foreign keyboard.)
8:33 SHUT. UP. DRUNK. PEOPLE. I. CAN. NOT. HEAR.
8:34 Shrek composited in with Chaplin — for shame! Somewhere Shrek is spinning in his grave.
8:37 Biggest laugh so far for Rock’s Cuba Gooding slam.
8:37 Lots of applause from the room on the Jude Law slam.
8:38 Rock’s controversial approach: self-deprecation.
8:39 Rock won’t bash Bush – he’ll just give him a good spanking. I’m not hearing boos from the Academy but then again IM. NOT. HEARING. ANYTHING. SHUT. UP. YOU. DRUNKS.
8:42 SAT prep: Passion of the Christ:Jews::Soul Plane:Chris Rock
8:43 Note to self: begin writing Check Cashing Place tomorrow.
8:44 Big applause for the Catwoman crack here.
8:44 All the nominees on stage? What is this, Bravo presents Project Art Designer?
8:46 Let The Aviator Oscars flow…
8:47 The women in the room pounce again on Zellwegger. Only clean comment this time involves ‘cerebral palsy’ so I’ll just leave it alone.
8:48 Best Supporting Actor gutcheck: Morgan Freeman. Winner is…
8:50 Morgan Freeman. That makes me 2/2 so far. C’mon Oscar kitty!
8:50 Dear Morgan Freeman, Isadora Duncan would like her scarf back.
8:52 Times may be off above. Jason finally hit the live button on the TiVo for me.
8:54 Fun fact: Commercials on this broadcast cost a reported $1.65 million per 30 seconds, second to only the Superbowl.
8:55 Robin Williams, this is the exact same jokes you did at the Independent Spirit Awards.
8:56 Best Animated… gutcheck: Incredibles. Did that need a gutcheck?
8:58 Winner: The Incredibles!
8:58 Do the Edna voice! Do the Edna voice! Why is Brad Bird not doing the Edna voice?
8:59 “I’d like to thank my doppelganger, Ron Howard.”
9:00 Classy Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner joke. C’mon Rock – we want some f-bombs.
9:00 Welcome to everyone who thought they were tuning in for Desperate Housewives.
9:01 Makeup… gutcheck: Passion. Winner: Snicket. Ouch. There goes my streak.
9:01 Greek mythology alert: she just thanked Medusa. In a related story, the guy next to her has turned to stone.
9:03 Beyonce part 1: phonetic French. Banderas and Santana should have no prob beating this.
9:04 New flash: Simon Cowell says it was “just okay” to which Randy and Paula replied “c’mon dawg” and “I should just quit now” respectively.
9:04 Clarification: Beyonce’s dress was ‘saffron,’ not orange.
9:09 Did anyone else get the Mama Mia (ABBA musical) ad, or just New York?
9:10 Chris Rock at the Magic Johnson theater – this promises to be good.
9:12 Albert Brooks got a huge laugh in the room.
9:13 Loved the clip from the alternate universe Oscars where Chris Martin wins.
9:13 Looks like Scarlett’s right arm got a stray shot of bowtox. I don’t want to say she looked stiff, because whenever I see her, well…
9:15 Ah, the Academy’s tech awards… thrilling upset by Howard Nobody over Jeremy Havenherdevem.
9:17 Yay! Edna!
9:18 Early awards are boding well for The Aviator. But the screenplay races will be the biggest clues.
9:20 Best Supporting Actress… gutcheck: Madsen.
9:21 Winner… Blanchett. Aviator is snowballing.
9:23 Blanchett the marriage broker. Mini-Marty plus mini-Blanchett? Sure, drive the short bus into the gene pool.
9:26 Carson memorial: The saddest moment in the show since the last Hotel Rwanda clip.
9:27 SHUT. UP. PEOPLE. No respect for the livebloggin’. No respect.
9:31 Best doc… gutcheck: Brothels. Winner… Born Into Brothels! Send the kids an email.
9:32 Best Editing: gutcheck… Schoonmaker for Aviator. Winner… Thelma Schoonmaker. Hope I spelled that right.
9:33 Ouch. As they say, face for
radio the edit room.
9:35 Counting Crows… wow… I never thought I’d say this, but… can we have Beyonce back?
9:37 “Accidentally in Love”? More like “Accidentally Nominated”!
9:42 Rock pretends to be CZJ. For those immune to irony, this is a joke. Catherine Zeta-Jones is okay everyone. She was in a car accident, but she’s okay… No, she isn’t… No, really, she is. She was getting a tan. I saw it on CNN. It’s okay…. [shakes head no, don’t believe it]… and so on. (Props to Eddie Izzard.)
9:44 Best Adapted… gutcheck: Baby… Winner… Sideways. Not boding well for Million Dollar Baby.
9:45 Payne & Taylor so wish they were living in yesterday.
9:47 Best Special FX… team behind Spiderman 2 for making people believe there is an extended above-ground subway in New York City.
9:48 Oscar drinking game: chug whenever someone disingenously expresses concern for our troops.
9:49 “Sacrifices for the country…” cut to… Mickey Rooney???
9:50 Al Pacino is winning an honorary Oscar? Yeah, I guess he is almost dead. Oh wait, it’s for Sidney Lumet.
9:51 Al needs some emergency Serpico CPR to get it together. Attica! Attica! Hoo-ah!
9:53 Bring on Sidney already. I highly recommend his book, Making Movies — and no, I don’t get a piece of the action. But you can give me a helpful vote on my customer review if you’re so inclined.
10:04 New link added above to Mark Coffey’s liveblog featuring such observations as: “8:48 pm: Classy touch on the dedication to the armed services; would have got a standing ‘O’ anywhere else, though…”
10:07 Beyonce part 2… back in black… “Learn to be Lonely” from Phantom of the Opera… my gutcheck to win Best Song, btw.
10:08 Big cheer for Prince. That’s his name again, right?
10:09 ‘Roids joke fell flat, but calling Jeremy Irons a comedic genius = comedic genius.
10:10 Best Live Action Short – movie not even Academy members have seen… winner: “Wasp”. Loser: me, who should’ve gotten up to pee.
10:11 For non-film people, 4000 frames = three seconds. ;)
10:14 Winslet in a classy blue number. Best Cinematography… gutcheck: Bruno Delbonnel because he won against all odds from the guild he isn’t in… but no, winner is Robert Richardson for Aviator.
10:16 Fun Fact: Robert Richardson is the only cinematographer working in Hollywood who speaks fluent English.
10:18 Meta: Just realized my afterthoughts weren’t hidden. Hehe… I wasn’t writing them ahead of time or anything. I swear I was paying close attention to that song… you know… the one that Beyonce sung. Sheesh.
10:20 Four winners, two people — he was talking about their eyes. They have really big, beautiful… eyes.
10:21 Yes, that was Randy Johnson among the sound editing nominees. Gil Cates wants to make sure you’re paying attention.
10:23 Winner: Ray dudes.
10:26 Welcome Decision08 readers. Sorry for confusing you by posting in the opposite direction. You’re safe: time hasn’t stopped flowing backwards.
10:27 Yes, she said “pre-forming.” No need to rewind the TiVo.
10:28 I never thought I’d see a faux-rock wall set upstage both Santana and Banderas. This Oscar night is full of surprises.
10:30 You can watch video of backstage interviews with the winners on the Oscars website.
10:32 Stay tuned afterwards for the presentation of the Oscars Liveblog Awards. I have a mole inside PriceWaterhouse Cooper and Mr. Sun could be taking Best Snark in a walk.
10:35 Documentary Short: gutcheck “Autism is the World” — yes, because it has a cause in the title. Am I cynical about Academy voters? A little.
10:36 Winner: “Mighty Times: The Children’s March”. It was the children. The children!!!
10:38 “Oscars in the parkinglot. Hand them out like at a drive-thru. Here’s your Oscar and your McFlurry” – got a good response here. McGriddle would’ve been funnier, but oh well.
10:39 Best Score… winner: Jan Kaczmarek, Finding Neverland. And yes, it took me several minutes to spellcheck his name.
10:42 Spike applauds Marty hard as a fellow underdog. But he will call him rascist if he wins.
10:43 On a serious tip: film preservation is a great cause.
10:46 Botox watch: all Annette Benning all the time. Can I get some cheek movement?
10:48 Yo-Yo Ma’s requiem for all the people you thought were dead already. Peter Ustinov? Didn’t he pass in the 60’s?
10:49 And the winner of Best Dead Person is… gutcheck: Brando… Stelllllllaaaaaaa! It was Brando.
10:55 Rock announces Sean Combs is coming… It really is Sean Combs. That would’ve been a brilliant way to bring out Denzel.
11:00 Meta note: I’m back after I got unplugged by a loud drunk and had to restart the computer and have its owner type in her password. NEVER. COMING. BACK. TO. THIS. PARTY.
11:01 Best Song: winner “Al Otro Lado Del Rio (De Janiero)”
11:03 Sean Penn improvises kindness — and sincerely. Wow. I have no snark to stop that.
11:04 Best Actress… gutcheck: Swank… winner…
11:05 Swank, beeyatches. My gut is back in check.
11:05 Background graphics on those multi-camera bits reminds me of Punch Drunk Love. Not really a joke. Just an observation.
11:07 Classy. She thanked the writer. Hilary’s my new favorite.
11:08 Shorter Hilary Swank: “I’d like to thank Clint and.. (don’t forget the publicist don’t forget the publicist don’t forget the…damn, what’s his name?) Wait, stop the music!”
11:13 Best Foreign Language Film… they’re going to have to change that title soon… Spanish isn’t a foreign language… I’m not one for PC language but how ’bout Best Non-English Language Film. Gutcheck: Sea Inside. Winner: Mar Adentro baby. That’s Sea Inside for those who don’t habla the idioma.
11:17 Best Original Charlie Kaufman/Charlie Kaufman. Charlie Kaufman! The room just exploded here. Film lovers everywhere are very happy.
11:21 Meta: Fixed those pesky unclosed tags. My g.f. is reading along and didn’t say anything :( “What, you mean half of it wasn’t supposed to be in italics?”
11:23 Best Actor… gutcheck: Foxx. Winner… Jamie “Worst Tatoo Location” Foxx.
11:26 BREAKING! People who watched the Golden Globes have filed a claim. They want their money back for having to see the same acceptance speech.
11:29 Yes, bring on the waterworks. Nice closer. Give him another Oscar.
11:31 Nice Pepsi commercial by Pixar.
11:33 Best Director… should be Scorsese… HUGE HUGE upset. Million Dollar Baby just snapped the neck of The Aviator. Can you say comeback?
11:36 Chris Rock finally drops the f-bomb. Oh wait, he only said ‘Fokkers.’
11:37 Best Picture: gutcheck… Baby… Winner: MILLION DOLLAR BABY. For tomorrow’s news, check this out.
11:40 Swift show. Go Cates.
11:44 Some interesting exposition in the end credits. Did you know that some Oscars are selected by sophisticated computer algorithms involving level of disease and poverty portrayed as well as excessive crowd scenes and maudlin monologues? But seriously, the best movies never win.
11:47 Pool results: I’ll be going home a little faster with my wallet so light. I got 13/24. That’s an old SAT score of 1100… or a new SAT score of 3.
11:49 Opening the comments shortly…
12:53 Home. Fixed spelling and erased bad jokes. Finally got comments enabled for anyone still out there… Anyone? If you waited – I’m sorry, JF’s laptop’s battery died.
Don’t liveblog anywhere you don’t control the guest list. And if you control the guest list, don’t invite loud drunks.
When you liveblog, you don’t really have time to watch and enjoy it. I can’t wait to get home and turn on the DVR and actually watch it.
Don’t store your afterthoughts in a non-working comment HTML. And don’t send an email to Glenn Reynolds several days early and expect him to link to you when he links to other equally obscure blogs. Glenn, I totally take back all the nice things I said about your Jeff Gannon commentary. Instapundit readers, ya don’t know what you missed.
Thanks to the readers who clicked through from various places. And thanks to your agents and publicists.
Thanks to the Threebie Jason and others from whom I filched one-liners. Muchas thankias to Threebie JF for loan of computer and internet access. Nice head dix.