with Beauty and the Beast hosting
was on IFC at 5pm EST
replay on Bravo at 10pm EST (just add five hours)
This is sort of a test run for tomorrow night’s Academy Awards Liveblog extravaganza.
4:41 The pre-show is already on. I admit I’ve never seen this show. I have no idea what to expect.
4:42 Who the heck is Alison Bailes? Then again, she’s 8,052 notches above Joan Rivers.
4:46 It occurs to me that most of the Oscar nominees are equally obscure to the rest of America.
4:47 FLASHBACK! 1999! Shouldn’t this clip be in black and white.
4:47 Who can forget Ally Sheedy? Wait, who is Ally Sheedy?
4:51 Okay, that background behind Alison Bailes is really trippin’ me out.
4:58 Now they tell me Samuel L. Jackson is hosting? What about Beauty and the Beast?
5:00 It begins.
5:01 Wow, the set really looks plastic.
5:01 Did he just say ‘motherfuckers’? TiVo – ing now.
5:02 He did! He did say ‘motherfuckers’! Notify the triumvirate!
5:04 David Allen Grier is the cutaway when it comes to coke.
5:06 Here’s Melvin today. Here’s Melvin twenty years ago. Ah! The magic of television.
5:07 More ‘fucks’! Chris Rock is going to have to work very very hard to catch up.
5:08 On a serious tip, like the thank the agents at the top bit. Oscar should steal that. (Plus thanking, mom, god and Bruce Villanch.)
5:10 Best Male Supporting… and the winner is… Thomas Hayden Church!
5:12 Shorter THC: I’d really like to thank the independent film community for not being Wings.
5:14 Big fork clank. Could they not mic Harvey Weinstein.
5:15 Nice bit with the fake live Waters.
5:16 Best First Screenplay… please be Shane Carruth, please be Shane Carruth… damn! Joshua Marston
5:17 Pretty good speech for someone who doesn’t speak English.
5:21 Shorter Joshua Marston: “I have magic socks! Calzones magicos!”
5:23 Best Supporting Actress… which Kate Blanchett was nominated? … winner is … Virginia Madsen’s ADD son … no, it’s… Virginia Madsen
5:26 Enjoy it Sideways crowd, ’cause you ain’t winning the Oscars.
5:27 Son seen more than what he should’ve seen? I think I’m seeing more than I should’ve seen through her top.
5:28 Most Fabulous Cinematography… Eric “Tim” Gautier??
5:30 Accepting for Eric Gautier, a Calvin Klein model.
5:32 Sammy taking his sweet time coming out again. I think he really does go out and smoke a ciggy during each presentation.
5:33 Ooh, a musical number. Ouch, with Megan Mulally.
5:35 Philip Seymour Hoffman as Capote? That’s like Gilbert Gottfried playing the AFLAC duck.
5:36 The montage of losers – must it always end with Paul Giamatti?
5:37 Best Screenplay… Alexander Payne & Jim Taylor Sideways
5:40 Shorter Alexander Payne: “I’m a studio whore.”
5:41 No commercial breaks? This is exhausting. Oh wait. This is it! But I’m so entertained.
5:44 As far as movies that came out last year, for me Primer is the one that got away. Serveral people I know really loved it. I will see. But on video.
5:46 Wow, can I vote for that chick like on American Idol?
5:47 My friend GL is insisting I write “Gyllenhall, more like Gyllen-tall”
5:48 Best Foreign… The Sea Inside… we may have our first Oscar overlap.
5:49 Shorter Amenabar: exactly what he said.
5:49 Elijah Wood, more like Elijah Short!
5:50 Best Documentary… Metallica: Some Kind of Monster
5:54 Joe Berlinger makes a dig against Michael Moore…
5:55 Michael Moore announces a muck-raking expose about Joe Berlinger!
5:56 Wooooooooooo! Go Kinsey!
5:57 And it has the best cabaret number too.
6:00 Zach Braff does the ‘red rum’ finger to express solidarity with fellow nominees who have the shining.
6:01 Best First Feature… Zach Braff, I mean, Garden State
6:03 Shorter Braff: “I’m off my meds. I hate my father! Up emo music.”
6:05 Stop the music, stop the music!
6:05 Thank goodness all the producers got their chance to say such earthshaking thank yous.
6:06 Beauty and the Beast!!!
6:06 Quentin, stop shaking! You’ll get your bump of pure Columbian in a minute.
6:07 Tarantino’s trademark dialogue: in France, they don’t say “and the award goes to,” they say “Royale with Cheese”.
6:08 Gina Kwon can produce my film any time. Grrrrowr!
6:16 My food is here. Forgive if liveblogging lightens.
6:17 Marc Forrester and Michael Stipe, seperated at birth?
circa 6:20 Some great one-liners by Mean Creek‘s mini David Brent.
6:33 Cuban sandwich from Cafe Habana. Yum!
6:34 Wave, stage moms, wave. This is your moment.
6:37 You don’t like starlings? Well I don’t like you, Hannah Pilkes!
6:39 Debut Performance… Roderigo de la Serna. Gee, he looks a lot like Gael Garcia Bernal.
6:41 Shorter Gael: Elijah Wood.
6:41 Noapplausa, does that word exist in English?
6:42 Who are we kidding, as long as Gael’s beautiful mouth is moving, we’ll never clap him off the stage.
6:43 The Cassavetes tradition: drug use, incoherence and masturbatory monologues.
6:47 Mean Creek wins. I kinda really wanna see this movie now.
6:50 This just in! Christo has eaten Jean-Claude.
6:51 Best Director… Alexander Payne – I posted this before I heard it. It is Sideways‘ night.
6:53 Professor Payne the pedant. Sounds like a Nebraska caricature that you could wrap a movie around.
6:54 The cameraman had instructions not to show him saying “human films” apparently. A commie plot!
6:57 David Allen Grier will be appearing as Tevya in Fiddler next month.
6:58 Kevin Bacon looks like he’s wearing a fake neck. That’s not a joke. That’s a real and rather disturbing observation.
6:59 “Jeff Bridges for his portrayal of struggling novelist, Jeff “The Dude” Lebowski.”
7:01 We’re in overtime baby.
7:01 Best Male Lead. Prediction: Paul Giamatti wins.
7:01 Followup prediction: Paul Giamatti doesn’t win the Oscar.
7:02 1 for 1 so far.
7:04 Robin Williams’ inner monologue: “What’s wrong with them, the deaf impression always kills.”
7:05 Sideways wins!
7:06 If you don’t want to be upstaged, then you must kill Robin Williams.
7:09 Williams leaves the stage. Biggest cheer of the night.
7:10 It was Sideways‘ day. Come back tomorrow night for the Oscar liveblog.