I suppose I’ve kept the four regular readers of this blog in suspense long enough. Will the Ten Manipulations project continue? Did the Thursday meeting devolve into a hate-fest of complaint and recrimination?
Well that’s a big resounding no. My worst fears went unfounded. Simply put, it was the best script meeting yet. Brandon and Ernest went throught the script with a fine-tooth comb and came up with some really on-point suggestions that cut right to the heart of the characters.
Despite what the e-mail led me to believe, Ernest didn’t have any problems with the structure of the script. He just wanted to make the characters richer and deeper. Which is what we all want.
I’m going to throwdown a summary, ‘after the jump’ as they say.
–Add NICOLE and BRUCE to the Cafe Chat scene, make it a lounge
–long discussion of NICOLE character, what her hopes and dreams are, what she does outside of work
–not lock in CHERRELLE as ‘clingy’
–CHARLIE’s art philosophy: art as manipulation
–CHARLIE doesn’t want to get drunk; no one understands him
–what do chars know abt ea other in this scene, esp. does CHARLIE know abt AVERY and DON?
–CHARLIE should show disapproval thru silence in some moments
–video should be brought up when all are present = more conflict
–CHARLIE and DON great friends
–CHARLIE dying to talk about art, passionate, it’s a big deal; CHARLIE needs to be eloquent; he’s thought about this a lot
–CHERRELLE has heard this speech?
–CHERRELLE into tangible things, not abstraction (makes art out of a ‘beer label’ “I’m an artist” CHARLIE doesn’t like
–CHARLIE upset when all anyone says is “I have to pee”
–AVERY and DON have an agreement; explore this; what are the rules of their ‘game’
–in crisis scene: Don hurt too bad = Avery has broken the rules
–DON thinks CHARLIE wouldn’t understand game
–lose camera directions that are too explicit
–CHARLIE office scenes: more surreal, more of a struggle for him to work/not work
–talks to plant? imaginary friend?
–SIMON and gun; sits at table, stares at it
–no more movie homages
–SIMON wants to talk to people, can’t
–new scenes exploring this at work (a bank?) and park
–SIMON’s speech delivered to CHARLIE at the bar, not BRUCE
–JALISA and SAND almost kiss
–BRUCE ‘acting black’ stuff too obvious, esp. RocaWear shirt; add comments on posture, slang, shirt untucked
–CHARLIE job, make more specific marketing or change to an agency job
–DON’s audition over TONY discovering gun?
–Tony’s friend makes slut comment explicit
–p.34 kill the “remember”; hate bad exposition
–Knife too dramatic in CHARLIE CHERRELLE scene
–kill slow-mo when SIMON drops gun
–make stu film more artsy, less cheesy
–CHARLIE and CHERRELLE breakup scene needs to be longer: more pain, more expression of what they both want
–DON & CHARLIE bagels scene, DON unleashes on CHARLIE “What do you know about love?”, defends AVERY
–add late scene of CHARLIE and CHRERRELLE, maybe BRUCE is with CHER and NIC is with CHAR
–what does the gun hit? DON? AVERY? SAND? SAND should at least be hurt, right?
–JALISA has tantrum w/ gun? shoots everywhere?
–2nd kind of art: Manipulation of the Gods: Beauty exist in nature and we must honor it; NICOLE “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I get it” Everything already exists, job of artist to steal it and repurpose it